Saturn in Scorpio in the First House
We will build our grave here on earth. Is it grave? Our bodies reduced to the skeleton of gluttony and the like. Or a marker, we build with substance, where our former bondage and body lies?
The villains, if you will, have their will, they were here before and are here again to learn how best to be a crook. With their staff, they lead the droves. It is no herald but they hear, give them their time. We can affirm through their meeting, whether we wish to crook the droves or shepherd the course.
Phantasms on the other side,
Lingering vestiges
Give in to God, give up the devil
God in the rings of Saturn. For God so loved the world that he gave will toward temptation. Each ring represents temptations, trials and tribulations—defined limitations encased in fossilized amber.
You will know that you are not as high as the world. You are lowly.
Saturn as Satan does not reveal your worldly ambitions, rather, he reveals how they lack ambition. How they are shaped by the constructs of your own pervasive fears: the devil in us all. Knowing this leads to Saturn’s gift: for Saturn on water floats with limitation, as every man’s Satan. Saturn is man, limited, at an earthly level and the discovery must be God—meaning for his life, or he will be forced to suffer over his impermanence.
Saturn restricts man, yet provides a window of opportunity.
You want out of yourself but are brought further inward. The boundary you seek to destroy is the one that will remove you from your pain and responsibilities.
God called onto this soul but it stayed afar. Jupiter mingled in some future verse. Its benevolent, gaseous swirls squared against Saturn’s weariness. He declared, “Be Youth!” and Saturn, “Becoming is defeat in every man, and is as old as life is to death.”
There was no light in this soul; no creation or destination, though it was created. The universe pulsed in all directions, though the soul was apart.
A voice called out. “Child…” Was this God?
Leave, thought the soul.
“There are dues.”
Yes, there are many lives wasted. Careless, empty lives. Lives when and where death was everyone. Lives when life was everyone dead. Lives we call life, yet the life act is always the slaying and never anything more. Lives stretching in all directions, the arrogant collection for lives, many lives, other than One at eye, and the body as the greatest, over which God as a whole was dead.
Now the moment arrived. Many lifetimes condensed. This soul in question did not wish for God’s intimacy or any. It wanted only the lingering emptiness. The float. Dissolution and severance. The voice repeated, again.
“There are dues.”
And the message, repeated.
In burnt offerings and sin
Offerings thou hast taken
No pleasure.
Then I said, ‘Lo, I have
Come to do thy will, O
God.’
The soul looked out. From the encompassing breadth and height, came before this soul a rather mystifying resonance. It was a body. It appealed. It was the body of those in the slaying. It was the bodies of all the soul had ever been. They merged at the head of a great entreaty.
“You cannot go back.” The soul entreated upon its Nothingness; the nothingness of these bodies where life never lived.
The Nothing is a void. Pitch, and unending. Dictators, murderers and the like live in this Nothing for they meet only vacancy. Without understanding the genius in creation, such souls become a God onto themselves alone and destroy. If a soul does not actualize—making One from many, and with a boundary at viewing where their limits may be overabundant—the soul will remain stagnated, unenlightened.
In the body the ego would have to choose. It could descend into the nothing forever and remain unenlightened or it could work with the nothing. All great creators create from here. It is the place the shaman penetrates before piecing together; it is the place where we discard, begin again and make our solutions.
This soul wanted the Nothing void where it could dictate its course alone, not necessarily dictate others. Even still, this dictation was a mean loss. The soul, who was a soul, for it was the sum part in the entirety, could not translate this along its human course, nor refer to the other in any way; therefore its cosmic course remained at a standstill. Infused with the control and wrath of a typical dictator, it carried its weight in this void as a still frame, separate from the One. This soul and those of the same type who lived in the void slaying life, were dead, collapsing pulsations, odd appearances sent to earth to even out a score and were, without knowing it, the even in it all. A means to illuminate, they offered a difference.
“If you go back you shall not return again,” stated the giant.
“How goes that?”
“If you take on the earthly realm you shall complete what you have avoided.”
“There is the Nothing only…” the soul concluded.
The giant was considered.
“Floating…You float all alone at this great distance, sealed away.”
The giant smiled in his passive, yet sly way. “Here is a place for souls such as you. Those that float come onto me.”
Was this soul floating for such a long while? Surely this soul wasn’t floating, always afar and staid. Far from jubilant Jupiter, far and aloft from anywhere, yet foresight calling from a distance with companionable change.
“Never has this soul floated anywhere.”
“You’re here. Floating as far as this.”
“No.”
The soul grew terrified. It stayed away, it was never brought into. This was hell. Its mirrored demise at every stage, what it cost and couldn’t contend with, without any choice, would now need reflection and amendment. He would be forced to stand together, not stay apart.
“This is where you are. Relinquish your soul here. The floating souls that you see are in such a state. They are here from all phases. They come not knowing God. They have all reached the top and plummeted. They have all misused their lives and the lives of others. This place is not for sightseeing. Not for carousing and conquest. Here you will find only what you have been and what you are. “
Since the time you were born you were alone. This you knew instinctively. Life was before the womb and in that place you determined how it would be. No progress would be made if you followed the same lines of action and conquest. Those lines were worthy, but they had served you as far as they could. In those lives you had never known the self in any intimate way. What you had known was identification: with money, other people, and particularly, with the law. The law was the highest truth and you followed it faithfully. This law was your own rigid internal system of right and wrong. Thus, you followed it stubbornly and never wavered. You were inflexible with the law being carried out. Only this left no room for clarity, camaraderie or negotiation.
The task in this lifetime is to create a will that does not impose upon others, but includes and validates them. The truth is never a law, a matter of opinion, as people believe differently. Maintain your truths, and remove the law which wishes that other people live and react a certain way.
The insecurity you have always felt is a result of power being misused. You feel powerless in order that you way find strength in your weaknesses, and not weakness in strength. The many obstacles you have faced, as well as the slow growth and isolation, are instruction along the path of wisdom.
If you were going to remove the false self and collapse from your intoxicated height, you would find out what insecurity and thus insight were.
You have been bound, stripped, and left parched; yet, you are given an epiphany—a hold onto your actions. You are directed now by your own consciousness and soul identity towards this search, arduous and terrible though it be, so that you may know emotional and physical limitation. This limitation is felt at a personal level through many delays and much hardship. You have had no choice but to feel the crushing weight of time; there could not be a speeding up. You are restricted in time because you altered the physical plane adversely before; meaning, you manipulated time as a curse or dictated the unpleasant removal of another’s time.
Conversely, your soul has taken on this weight though you have been the victim many times before and/or because you could not properly attune with a lawful system and manage volatile emotional upsets in other lifetimes, therefore in this you must account for them. With time and growth, you will surely unpeel the layers of victim hood and direct a path of responsible and sensible confidence. If not, you will live in a purgatory of your own crystallized making.
By sitting and not fighting the ponderous time weight that disturbs your hopes and dreams, by studying, working on your projects and calmly and slowly proceeding, you can break your karma and you can earn good karma. You can build a life and not rush into an old one. By understanding that this restriction is an awakening, you can make amends and earn grace. Then one day, miraculously, what you’ve wanted all along will be yours.
“What of God?” this soul asked.
The giant pulsed. “Once you commit your soul here you shall know God in time.”
“So be it,” breathed the soul.
The day was mild and brimming with sunshine. The hour was the afternoon and the day was the longest in the year.
Breaching many places, the soul remembered along its way little happiness through its many earthly incarnations – indeed, perhaps the gravest misery of all.
The hours were the epiphany of the soul’s life. It was the struggle for God in time and the struggle for life in time. The hours raged in this unrelenting cesspool. Such dark haunts floated above this birth. Further Nothing fragments…further voids calling, cajoling.
“We are the Nothing,” they repeated in one horrifying voice, void of life, yet speaking for Life created somewhere with our discovery. Beckoning, however sinister, to bring the Word of God out of the nothing and into the collective.
Now . . . Thought the soul. It is given up. The conquest and wandering, of being in charge, nearly, of finding this or that but never within. This soul must reach steadiness.
“Remember, God in time.”
With this struggle the soul knew its disadvantages. There were many. Of these so-called disadvantages, you shall see, the advantages.
So it was that the soul was born. The soul thus born knew its life. It knew the outs and ins, the starts and stops.
When the nurse approached the child with camera, the child looked on with steely, unwavering resolve. Tucked in white linen with circus animals surrounding the periphery—the child put up two clenched fists. Not in defiance or self-defense but in determination to make amends and find God in time.
Saturn is the solitude of your undoing. This is a gift.
